The Neo Testament

Remember ye faithful that Jesus, the son of God, the son of man, rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey thus presciently demonstrating his deep Republican affiliation. For too long, the left has hijacked the Holy Bible to promote its pasty-faced version of the life of Christ, well not any more. This version show a truer, more conservative side of scripture and gives us a Messiah who was more hawk than dove.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

John 6:1 Loaves and Fishes (or the Ponzi Scheme parable)

After these things Jesus went over the sea to Galilee, which is the sea of Tiberias.

And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.

And Jesus went up into a mountain, and there he sat with his disciples.

And the Passover, a feast of the Jews, was nigh.

When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence shall these men buy bread, that they may eat?

And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do.

Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.

One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, saith unto him,

There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?

And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.

And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed bread bonds to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fish futures as much as they would.

When the forms were filled, he said unto his disciples, Issue other bonds and stocks, that nothing be lost.

Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the share slips of the five barley loaves which remained and above unto them that had optioned.

And Thomas did say unto Jesus, But my Lord, the men here are weary and hungry for nourishment, and thou givest but credit slips for bread which shall not relieve their want. And thought we have enough to feed five thousand ‘on paper’, thou still only hast five loaves and two fishes lying here. Verily I fear, o son of David, that when the multitude doth realize the true value of our provisions, they shall be sore wroth, and thy bubble shall burst.

And Jesus said unto Thomas, Ye of little faith in the market. Is it not said that I am the bread of life. He who investeth in me shall gaineth forever? These men are nourished on their faith, and when the value of fish doth go up, their souls shall receive just reward.

And Thomas said unto him, But fish doth not go up, fish goeth off.

And Jesus said unto him, Doth thou still doubt Thomas?

And those men, when they had seen the credit miracle that Jesus did, said, This is of a truth that profit that should come into the world.

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