Matthew 9:27 Healthcare III

And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou son of David, have mercy on us.

And when he was come into the house, the blind men came unto him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? Think ye that this is some sort of Messiah-Care or something? They said unto him, Yea, Lord, and Jesus did roll his eyes.

Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.

And their eyes were opened: and Jesus straitly charged them cash, saying, See that no man know it.

But they, when they were departed, spread abroad his fame in all that country. And Jesus was sore displeased, as he was then law-bound to pay tribute on the fees.

Matthew 9:18 Healthcare II

While he spake these things unto them, behold, there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, saying, My daughter is even now dead: but come and lay thy hand upon her and she shall live.

And Jesus arose, and followed him, and so did his disciples.

And when Jesus came into the ruler’s big house, and saw all the minstrels and the fancy people making a noise, he gauged the income of the ruler and saw that yea it was suffice for private treatment.

He said unto them, Give place; for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn.

But when the people were put forth, he went in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose.

And the fame hereof went abroad into all that land.

Matthew 9:1 Healthcare I

And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came to his own city.

And behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their credit rating, said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer, thou hast a house for collateral, thy medical debts be forgiven thee.

And, behold, certain of the claims adjusters said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.

And Jesus, knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore ye think evil in your hearts?

For whether is easier, to say, Thy debts be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise and walk, this bed must be vacated?

But that ye may know that the Son of man hath the power to forgive debt, (then saith he unto the sick of the palsy) Arise, vacate the bed, go into thy repossessed house and packeth thy bags.

And he arose, and departed his house.

But when the multitude saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.

Matthew 4:8 The Temptation of Christ

Again, the Devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

And saith unto him, All these things I will give to everyone, if you wilt fall down and worship me.

Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, socialist: For it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him (and thyself) only shalt thou serve.

Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

John 6:1 Loaves and Fishes (or the Ponzi Scheme parable)

After these things Jesus went over the sea to Galilee, which is the sea of Tiberias.

And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.

And Jesus went up into a mountain, and there he sat with his disciples.

And the Passover, a feast of the Jews, was nigh.

When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence shall these men buy bread, that they may eat?

And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do.

Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.

One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, saith unto him,

There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?

And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.

And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed bread bonds to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fish futures as much as they would.

When the forms were filled, he said unto his disciples, Issue other bonds and stocks, that nothing be lost.

Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the share slips of the five barley loaves which remained and above unto them that had optioned.

And Thomas did say unto Jesus, But my Lord, the men here are weary and hungry for nourishment, and thou givest but credit slips for bread which shall not relieve their want. And thought we have enough to feed five thousand ‘on paper’, thou still only hast five loaves and two fishes lying here. Verily I fear, o son of David, that when the multitude doth realize the true value of our provisions, they shall be sore wroth, and thy bubble shall burst.

And Jesus said unto Thomas, Ye of little faith in the market. Is it not said that I am the bread of life. He who investeth in me shall gaineth forever? These men are nourished on their faith, and when the value of fish doth go up, their souls shall receive just reward.

And Thomas said unto him, But fish doth not go up, fish goeth off.

And Jesus said unto him, Doth thou still doubt Thomas?

And those men, when they had seen the credit miracle that Jesus did, said, This is of a truth that profit that should come into the world.

Matthew 5:38 Eye for an Eye

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth:

But I say unto you, That ye abide not evil: but whosoever might smite thee on thy right cheek, smite him pre-emptively so that he suffereth shock and feeleth awe.

And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, maketh thee sure that the judge is thine ally.

And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, makest him pay the fare up front.

Suffer not him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee obligeth not thou without collateral.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

But I say unto you, watch your neighbours close, monitor them that bless you, be careful of them that do good to you, and report them that pray with you;

That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the terrorist, all the more reason to be vigilant.

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

Be ye therefore watchful, even as your Father which is in heaven is watchful.

Matthew 6:16 God and Mammon

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in offshore accounts, where neither Feds nor IRS doth corrupt, and where pinkos do not break through nor steal.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

The light of the body be the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness, how great is that darkness!

No man can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Although there is no harm in trying. God is actually really impressed with he who manageth both.

Matthew 2:13 The Flight into Egypt

And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise and take the young child and his mother, And flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: For Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.

When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:

And was there until the death of Herod: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of Egypt I have called my son.

Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men.

Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying,

In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and great weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, for they are not. Not that I'm condoning Herod’s decision, yet one hath to support the troops.

Matthew 22:15 On Taxation

Then went the Pharisees, and took council how they might entangle him in his talk.

And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.

Tell us therefore, what thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Cesar or not?

But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye bolsheviks?

Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.

And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?

And they say unto him Caesar’s.
And Jesus saith unto them, Did Caesar earneth this coin by his own toil? Nay they replied. Do ye know where your tax-talents are really going and if ye shall benefit directly from this tribute? Nay, they answered, for they did not. How do thou knowest that this coin shall not end up in the purse of some slothful Iberian who laboureth not, but layeth in his pallet all day feeding off the nanny-empire, or to support the many delinquent offspring of some Carthaginian immigrant? Yea this we do not know, replied the Pharisees and they did gnash their teeth just thinking about it.
So screweth Caesar say I, and Jesus did pocket the coin, And to Hell with the freeloaders.

When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.

Matthew 21:10 The Temple and the Free Market

And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this?

And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee.

And Jesus went to the temple of God, and cut a deal with all them that sold and bought in the temple, and deregulated the money-lenders and offered brand endorsements to those who sold doves.

And said unto them, It is written, my house shall be called the house of free market, and ye have turned it into a going concern that can only benefit society as a whole and trickle down to the poor and needy. Simple Jehovanomics. For it is said that a rich man can justly buy all the camels and needles that he wanteth.

And the chief priests and scribes saw the wonderful pitch he was giving and were sore displeased.

And they said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea, have ye never read, out of the mouths of self-made men thou hast perfect praise.